Getting Ready for Goodbye: Making Death a Conscious Transition
“Death is the last intimate thing we ever do.” —Laurell K. Hamilton
The end of life can bring difficult territory to navigate. Fortunately, it can also be a time of healing, growth, and sometimes even peace. The key is to have enough information to help you support the person who is dying. Below are seven tips to guide you.
1. Paperwork: Does your loved one have her end-of-life paperwork in order? If not, you can obtain free, state-of-the art advance planning documents from End of Life Washington.
2. Unfinished Business: Many people near death seek completion of unresolved issues that may concern the need to express one of these statements: I love you; I forgive you; Please forgive me; Thank you. Let your loved one know that you’re available to talk about anything.
3. Touch: Many dying people crave touch, if for no other reason than to know—palpably—that they are not alone. Barring medical fragility, offer to hold her hand, give him a foot rub, stroke his forehead or brush her hair. As an alternative, you can simply sit and breathe with your loved one.
4. Comfort: Do everything in your power to assure that your loved one is not in pain. Hospice and/or a palliative care physician are invaluable allies in providing comfort care. Use them.
5. Celebrate: Find ways to celebrate life together. Tell stories from your past escapades. Bring photo albums and reminisce. Fill an iPod with her favorite music. Bring animals if allowed.
6. Call hospice: This tip comes first, last, and in-between. Talk with your doctor about hospice when you first start wondering if it’s time. Medicare needs a doctor’s recommendation to pay for hospice. Once you’re connected with hospice, call them for palliative care, practical support (e.g., hospital beds), and advice about anything related to death and dying.
7. Compassionate Disposition: These days, more people are paying attention to economical as well as ecological considerations related to body disposition.
From home funerals to green burials to aquamation to carbon offsets for cremation, your loved one may designate preferences. Reputable resources for these services in the greater Seattle area include People’s Memorial Association, Elemental Cremation and Burial, A Sacred Moment, and Earth Funeral.
This article was published by Natural Awakenings (Seattle Edition; May 2016) and it was updated in April 2024.
Cat Saunders, Ph.D., is a longtime counselor, death doula, and nonsectarian minister. She is the author of "Dr. Cat's Helping Handbook: A Compassionate Guide for Being Human" and more than 200 articles and interviews, which have been reprinted around the world.
